Big Book Update!
As reported earlier, I have begun the eleven hundred-page journey that is Infinite Jest. At the rate at which I am reading this monumental block of what can only be described thus far as a very heavy convoluted post-modern headache, such that because of its giant, cuboid mass, has reportedly been used, against its intended purpose, as a step to help Dad get onto the roof of the garage, the material for the world’s longest Paper Football game, and as one of those blocks that they stuff under the wheels of jetliners to keep them from rolling away, the likely date of me completing what has been promised to me as “totally worth it,” is the same day that my two-month old daughter enrolls in Kindergarten. Because of my parenting duties I am able to read, usually aloud to said daughter - she enjoys my narrating voice - no more than 3 pages an afternoon, and because of my cooking duties that wholly satisfy the tastebuds of my beautiful, bread-winning life partner, absolutely zero in the evening. Feel free to do the math.
Much of the problem is all DFW’s doing, using words that are either not used for good reasons or completely imagined by the imaginative author, as well as complementing his fictive with nearly one hundred pages that are the tomes 388 endnotes, causing the reader to collect painful paper cuts flipping back and forth while cursing under his breath that footnotes would have done the trick. And so of course because the reader is making a diligent effort to read the entire book, text and endnotes, as well as comprehend the forearm toning literary masterpiece (supposed anyway), a second couch-sized book is required by the reader’s side, none other than the current edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, to look up words such as ‘fantod,’ ‘phosphene,’ and ‘baud.’ My favorite word today was ‘bolection,’ a raised molding that frames a panel, doorway, or fireplace, a word that I might actually get to use some day, moments before being socked by a cranky carpenter. Don’t get me wrong, it is almost comically enjoyable learning the meanings of these smarty-pants words, despite the frustration of not being able to just read the damned book. It is like being in a traffic jam in a car that is in constant need of an oil change or tire inflation. But I will get there dammit and when I do, you will be the first to know. Stay tuned for many, many more updates.