David Petersen Artworks

Almost, if not everyone, has a desk here. There also seem to be some extras. Here are some dark and fuzzy photos of the desks.

I’ll show you mine when it’s finished.

Ta-da! Let the Elsewhere experience begin.

First things first, I need a towel. The humidity. You haven’t sweated profusely until you have sweated profusely in Greensboro, NC.

The vitals: I weighed in at 155 lbs.

Also, a bit of history. I departed MPLS Tuesday afternoon, by automobile, driving south by southeast, making a couple stops (Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Asheville), until I found the corner of Elm and Lewis just south of downtown Greensboro.

Upcoming projects today: Find bicycle repair shop; trick out my new office; hydrate; inundate my brain with as much information and visual stimuli as possible. There is a lot.

Saturday night at the little engine that could, Art of This, I will be performing in public for the first time. What do I know about performance you ask? Not a goddamned thing. I have seen quite a few performances, talked to performers about their performances, and even read about performances in a book once or twice. But really, I don’t know anything about performances, because I myself have never been in a performance.

Notable performances: Janine Antoni mops the floor with a bucket of black paint. Vito Acconci spends two weeks under a ramp in a Sonnabend gallery masturbating and talking dirty to gallerygoers above. Paul McCarthy gets a thawed chicken stuck on his head, later fucks it.

That’s the spirit I am looking for. I don’t think I am ready to go all out such as these world famous masochists, but I can at least dip my toe into the waters.

Notable performances: Rosanne Barr sings National Anthem at San Diego Padres baseball game. Janet Jackson unleashes a boob during halftime of Super Bowl XXXVIII. Anytime an attention-seeking nutball runs onto a sports field only to be tackled by a shit-ton of security guards.

In this instance, I can imagine my wardrobe malfunction occurring after being tackled by security. Or by the mob that makes up my new fans. Plus, I sing way better than Rosey.

Notable performances: Joey Chesnut eating 68 hot dogs at the 2009 Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest. Davie Hogan aka ‘Lardass,’ in the Stand by Me pie-eating contest scene. My daughter every night at dinner.

Here, it is not how much she eats, but how quickly, and how much gets all over her face, the floor and the back of the begging dog.

Maybe I should have mentioned McCarthy’s piece where he is dressed up like Julia Child instead? And I wouldn’t mind if Janine Antoni licked my eyeball either.

The point is, 8:30 @ Art of This, my first performance piece, I think it’s called ‘Leftovers.’ It is about all of us. Please come.