Help! Help! Someone please help! The art, all the art - it has been…stolen! All the archives, the archives have been swiped from right under our noses. How could this happen? Who would do such a thing?

What in the world were they thinking when they decided to remake The Thomas Crown Affair? I mean swapping out Steve McQueen with Pierce Brosnan I can see. The guy was James Bond for a few frames. But nobody was buying Rene Russo filling the pumps of Faye Dunaway. Not even close. Just look at the track records. Fay Dunaway: “Bonnie and Clyde,” “Chinatown,” “Three Days of the Condor,” and “Network.” Rene Russo: “Major League,” “Tin Cup,”  and “Major League II.” Faye Dunaway is one of those 60’s actresses that make you wish that Time Machines existed so you could slip through a worm hole to go back to 1966 just to get a look at her. And what ever happened to Rene Russo anyway? That role she got in “The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle” certainly didn’t right the ship.

Now back to our problem. Who stole the archives of the Artworks? The list of suspects is very short. There is only one. I am pretty sure I know who you are, Archive Thief. You are…the Internet!

How do you capture the Internet?

So I Tweet now. What’s up with that? When do I get followers? Does Twitter set me up with those? My friend is on match.com, is it like that? Huh?

For all but 48 hours of the past 31 days, I have been sequestered in the Garbagetown neighborhood of Greenpoint, Brooklyn. Don’t ask. It’s work-related, in that I don’t have any work at home. So it is in these economic days. Fortunately, I shall be leaving this cesspool soon, returning to the somewhat less polluted Midwest with hard-earned money for the debt collectors, an acute back strain that is limiting my sleep and a forest of fires to put out back at the ranch. Let’s get at it.

Open Engagement is this weekend in Portland, Oregon. I will not be there (see above). Even if I had the loot and the free time, and although I was seriously considering attending for about a day and a half, I am glad that I won’t be making the journey to PDX. First of all, when taken to such an extreme and concentrated level, I worry that the social practice/aesthetiques relationnels loses much of its power and effectiveness. Maybe that is just me. I am willing to give Open Engagement the benefit of the doubt, mainly because I won’t be there, and also I don’t want this to sound like sour grapes because I couldn’t afford a plane ticket and I have to work to pay for my daughter’s everything. At least my half. I am only being skeptical and wary. And of course, critical, of what I fear is going to be a lot of preaching to the choir, followed by a lot of beer drinking, followed by plenty of hangovers soothed with Stumptown Coffee, which is pretty delicious.

Via email I am reminded repeatedly of the weekend-long festival that I have talked shit about on more than enough occasions. I would rather not relent now, but since I won’t be in the vicinity for the second consecutive year, I will lay off. Plus, there are a few positive developments that are attempting to subvert what is not much more than a massive flea market for those who have not been affected by these economic days (we are happy for you).

Although many of these events are happening tonight (maybe even last night), they are worth noting.

Location Books Release Party This is a new venture of Ruebn Nusz and Scott Nedrelow. A quarterly publication, it is ostensibly an art show that exists in the form of a fancy hardcover book. For their first release, Isa Newby Gagarin. Heck yeah. Tonight, 7-10pm @ 1618 Central Ave. NE, Suite 227.

Brock Davis at Creative Electric Studios Such an simple idea: make a piece of art everyday for a year and call it a show. Done and done. Friday-Sunday, California Arts Building, 2205 NE California St. I don’t have a suite number, but I bet you find it anyway.

Flocked, A Wallpaper Project Organized by Anna Tsantir, Nick Howard, et al, this is a large group project that is attempting to use the organizing artists’ studio as more than a boutique for the bourgeoisies, by creating a large wallpaper collage of drawing, print, etc. The only thing one could find flaw with in this project is the contributions of this writer. Friday-Sunday, Casket Arts Carriage House, 1720 Madison St. NE, #203.

Word on the street has it that Art of This will be closing it permanent space at 3506 Nicollet at the end of the summer. Having begun this rumor, I know that it is completely true. This gossip could prove to be false if anyone can muster the financial fortitude to make a tax-deductible donation to AOT in the amount of about $20,000. But until then, rest assured that AOT will no longer have a gallery/project space/office on Nicollet Ave. Armed with our expensive 501(c)3 designation, we will be reformatting to exist as an entity that knows no boundaries.

Fortunately, we have been terribly busy scraping by for the rest of our spring programming and gerry-rigging a summer residency program called Open Summer. It is pretty much ‘come one, come all’ and will exist less as a gallery space and more as a workshop that is an extension of the traditional artist’s studio. However, there will still be shows, and hopefully lots of them. Thus far, more than 30 artists have made the cut some of whom include Sam Hoolihan, Cara Ann Krippner, Peter Happel Christian, Rosemary Williams and the dance duo of Tamin Totzke and Dustin Haug. More information will soon be available on this blog, the AOT website, the AOT Blog, the AOT Facebook page, and perhaps your inbox. For more information, click me.

But, enough of all that. It is going to be a beautiful day in beautiful Brooklyn, NY.

Visit #1 will be to Bryan Savitz’s studio. Bryan has been featured on the blog before, usually after he lets me peek at what is usually very guarded. Undoubtedly, we will talk about a bunch of stuff he has on his mad scientist-like mind, thoughts and ideas and such that have been stewing inside his brain all week long while he is at a crappy job he is ridiculously overqualified for.

Visit # 2 will be to the living room of one Jade Townsend. Jade has also been mentioned on the blog, even more recently than Bryan. Even more recent is the catastrophic knee injury Jade suffered while playing flag football in McCarren Park. What a jock.

Visit # 3 will be to the Reanimation Library, a project down in Gowanus conceived of and maintained by Andrew Beccone. Neither the Library nor Andrew have been mentioned here before, which is a complete oversight on my part. I am gonna bike on over and scan a bunch of completely useless, but aesthetically pleasing imagery.
The common denominator of these three visits is that I attended some form of educational institution with each of these fellas, either Hunter College or Susan B. Anthony Junior High School.Funny how that all works out. Nonetheless, a very full day ahead of me. Did I mention it is going to be absolutely gorgeous here in gorgeous Brooklyn, NY?

Ran into my old friend Meredyth Sparks on Nassau while I was eating a slice of pizza across the street from the laundromat. She let me tag-along to her studio and then gave me a book. It has a lavender cover and is lovely on the inside.

Can someone tell me about tumblr? Is this something I should be doing? How many people do this, this tumblr?

Ian V sent me a text asking for an address and I responded that I was in the neighborhood but he hasn’t gotten back to me. Crazy musician/artist guy.

Almost 4 now, and I have to get back to the shop. Michael doesn’t like it when I am tardy. Plus, it’s gonna be a late night of cutting shit up that cost thousands and was used for minutes. Don’t want to miss that.

Ironic, though, that I will be returning to MPLS to attend an exhibition (that I am even in!) at SELLOUT Gallery. Friday Night @ 7 or something. There are going to be about a hundred drawings by a bunch of local artists that, ironic, haven’t sold out yet. Although I bet many of us have tried. I certainly had my shot. Anyway, who cares, let’s just have some fun. Try putting that on the auction block.

Just in time for the Pulse Fair (here in NYC where I am for unrelated purposes, except the money-making related purpose), William (I call him Bill) Powhida and Jade (I can’t call him because he shut off his phone) Townsend have completed their proposal for Art Basel Miami Beach. It is the 40″ x 60″ drawing above. Unfortunately, I can’t do much about showing off some details (like my rumored cameo appearance), but soon enough it will hang in some rich person’s home or office or gallery (like it is tonight) where you can get a better look. Right up close!

Bill and Jade, we love you here at the Artworks! xoxo